Coming up for air

By Jane Tyson Clement

Now at last perhaps I am coming up for air after nearly being lost in a sea of despair, too heavy for me to move or breathe. What finally raised me was a sudden knowing that my own despair and my own feelings really were completely insignificant and didn't matter at all. God is the important fact, and Christ the moving force, and I had been wallowing in my own misery out of my egocentricity and sin. So I asked for strength and forgiveness and the air began to clear, and I could act again, but not in my own strength.

It was a day

What a day. It started out with me not being able to get up in time for an important breakfast meeting for a community of practice that I belong to :( Next, my computer crashed twice.....first while I was getting ready for my 9am meeting and then half-way through my meeting. My mouse wouldn't work so I had to call Help Desk to replace it... :P I didn't get sustenance until 12noon (making that breakfast and lunch all at once).

It got progressively ok......note I said ok and not better. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was exhausted already. BUT, I refused to throw in the towel early....even though I could've left the office at 4pm, I stayed until 6pm to get some extra work done.....so maybe tomorrow won't be awful! I actually ended the day on a bit of a higher note....I managed to mock-up a pamphlet and I think I was pretty satisfied with my effort in the end! Thanks to TF for really comprehensive feedback....it was much appreciated and helped motivate me!

So, I really tried hard not to have a bad day despite being frustrated....and that's what got me to the point of "ok." For me, it's really easy to indulge in self-pity, but I know that all too well.....so I fight it, but it has to be fought with my mind and not with my heart.....as with a lot of things :)

I'm going to go sit and do absolutely nothing now.....marvellous :)

Lost and found

So, Monkey #2 materialized. He worked 'til close. The rest of the evening was good. Wine, a tv movie on Watergate, stories from J's kitchen....the stuff of dreams.

Speaking of dreams, when I got to bed last night, I had a powerful nightmare and it's left me feeling really shaky, still. So, I'm going to do nothing, but saunter up and down Queen West all afternoon. The weather is brilliant :) I've got Karl for part of the afternoon, Fel for another part....who else wants to join us? I might just have to spoil myself a little and buy something pretty. I think I'm in the mood for a house party tonight so maybe we'll get something going.

Now I'm really hungry.....and J just got home with our lunch!! Mmmmmm...Chinese buns :)

Bye.

Missing: One housemate

Anyone know where Monkey #2 is? I know where #1 is.....#2 is MIA, it seems.

I know it's irrational to worry and it isn't productive at all.....buuuttt....yes, I am worried.

I can't even type anything else. I can't focus.

I killed it....

...my presentation, that is. The big one. I completely rocked it :)

I had to make a major presentation today, to about eight Directors and a couple of other employees, on a communication plan for a really big project that I'm consulting on. It went splendidly and I got some great feedback!! I feel like this was a milestone in my career....like I raised the bar for myself. It could just be my ego talking right now, too. Nonetheless, I have to praise God for getting me through these professional challenges with so much success. Sometimes it feels a little surreal.....like I'm watching myself do stuff and I'm like "Who is this girl? Where did she learn to do that?" Definitely the work of the Lord.

Now, I can relax and unwind.

I know I still haven't posted anything about why I named my blog "Proverbial girl"....I guess I can do that now.....

If you read Proverbs 31:10-31, you'll find a profile of a wife/woman of noble character. I read this awhile back and found it compelling, more so than any other passage I'd read about husband/wife dynamics or even about how to live, in general, as a woman. I love the way this passage talks about the woman as being a strong, industrious provider for her family. She is creative and wise and, in my view, the epitome of what a woman should be. There is nothing to suggest that she is subservient to her husband in a pejorative way....rather, it suggests that the relationship is definitely a partnership with each person having specific roles. This, in my mind, is very efficient....from a relationship standpoint, as well as from a business perspective. In any organization, the most successful teams are ones where everyone has a clearly defined role and does their particular job to the best of their abilities. The same can be said of a good relationship. All around, it just makes sense to me and I hold this passage as my standard and model. The title is a bit of a play on words because, in addition to it being an allusion to the passage from Proverbs, it is also a simple statement to say that I'm really just a quintessential girl :)

So, now you know. Any questions? Comments?

My new stapler

If you don't "get it," I suggest you get your hands on a copy of "Office Space." No self-respecting corporate peon isn't able to quote it on a whim.

To Waterloo and back

So, I made it to Waterloo on my own....not that I've never been. I just didn't want to drive myself. And, for no reason at all. I just didn't feel like driving myself. What a princess. Sometimes, I astound myself.

The day went really well, actually. My meetings were great except for the last one. My last meeting was a debrief of another meeting and the project manager is driving me insane. Without getting into too much detail, I'm finding the project manager to be less than competent and I feel like she has her own agenda. I just want to do what makes the most sense for my company and I get really frustrated when others make decisions, on behalf of the organization, that are obviously not in the best interest of the organization. It's scary. I refuse to let her stop me from doing my job....and I will not be deterred from my purpose! Thankfully, it's only one project and I'm not the consultant on it...I'm an "end user." If it were one of "my" projects, that I am consulting on, I'd probably be a little more passionate about having her replaced. I just have to remember, this too shall pass.

This week is going to take it out of me...I already know it. One day down, four more to go! God provides. I know He's with me and He is the only reason I'm getting through, all things considered. It has definitely been challenging for the past couple of weeks. Work really has been great! And, it's great that I'm becoming "known." Personal stuff is a little more rocky. I'm struggling to be at peace with God's will for me right now. It's really hard to admit. I hate admitting failure or weakness. I want to be strong and supportive for those around me so I cannot lose my focus or my determination to keep going despite how I feel. Anyone reading this, can you please pray for my strength? Many thanks :)

I am physically exhausted now...a bit of a rarity....so I will put myself to bed. Before I forget, though, I thought that I should explain why I named my blog "Proverbial girl." I won't explain now, but if you read Proverbs 31:10-31, it'll give you a good head start.

I just slept for 18 hours.

I think I needed to catch up on sleep. I just finished sleeping for 18 hours with only two one-hour breaks in between. It feels wonderful! I have some chores to do now :P And, then, I have a "sort of date." "Sort of" only because it's not a date for me, but for a friend of mine. I will be a chaperone of sorts.

This is now my second blog post. I think I'm a little over-conscious of this being a blog. Maybe it's just the novelty of it that's affecting me......it'll wear off....I want to get to the point where I'm as transparent and real as Tom is in his blog.

I've been trying to come up with a "topic" for this post and I really don't have one. I think, for my next post, I'll talk about "me" a little more.....but not right now. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. It's hard to concentrate with Karl watching "Joe versus the volcano" behind me. Lol....Karl is giggling. Where's J? You'd only ask that if you knew me already....if you do, and if you're asking that, J just left for work.

That's it for now.

My first post

This is exciting! This is my first blog...my first blog post....I have to write my thoughts here....real thoughts....Why did I sign up for this?

Because I'm home alone on a Friday night, not really bored, but without anything that I "have" to do. That's been happening more and more lately....I have to admit that I'm starting to like my free time....it used to scare me at first 'cause I'm used to always having something to do. Now, I can usually sit for at least twenty minutes without trying to figure out if I should get up and find something productive to do.

So, to make this blog a "real" blog, I suppose I should commit to posting without filtering too much, while still maintaining some privacy for my own protection (thanks for the tips, Rachel!).

I kind of feel a little inadequate starting this....and it's weird because I manage part of my company's Intranet and content management system....I write and publish daily as a profession.....and yet writing and publishing stuff that's personal seems so much more nerve-wracking and causes my heart to beat quicker. I know I'm not really great at talking about my own personal stuff and I've put up protective walls...blah blah blah.....I suppose this is my attempt at opening up and not wanting to settle with a "that's just the way I am" mentality.