He Reigns...

...by the Newsboys....it's on repeat on my iTunes right now.....

He really does reign!!!!

Things are great...nothing new to report at the moment.

Thoughts before bed

1. I am so stinkin' tired that I'm not sure I'll be able to get to sleep.

2. I am so exhausted by some peoples' pettiness that it's driving me crazy.....but, I can't let it get to me....if I do, I just provide a petri dish for the poison (mixed metaphors?).

3. I am sincerely thankful for Monkeys K & J right now.

4. I really really really need a vacation away from EVERYTHING.

5. I feel yucky.

6. Braydon is super cute.....I wish I had more time to hang out with him.

Braydon Steven

He is my new baby cousin....born this morning!!!!!

I'm going to go see him now :D

Blah....

It's time for a bit of a rant. This morning, I woke up a bit later than usual (probably 'cause I got to sleep closer to 3am). I've been sneezing all morning and feeling like I'm catching a cold :P My assistant freaked me out this morning by telling me that we got a disgruntled email from an important Director (turns out it wasn't so bad, but I still need to put out a mini fire). Someone else was disgruntled because I re-wrote an announcement for him (it was awful and I wouldn't let it go in its original state). And, a video that I'm working on is ass because the videographer added in some background music that gives the video an x-rated feel. All in all, I just feel very very very tired and worn out. And, I haven't eaten....my perspecitve might be better once I eat....and maybe I should write down what I'm thankful for now....that could lift my spirits...here goes....

....I get to work from home on Monday!!! I made really good progress on our quarterly financial report. I don't have as much work as I thought I had to do on another presentation. My boss and my big boss are totally backing me up on all the decisions/difficult news I've had to give to people about their ass-tastic writing. I have an assistant :) I'm going to Kate's party tonight!! I'm going running with Jonathan tomorrow morning!!! I'm going to Germany with Rachel in less than a month!!!! Karl is home :D I am a child of the Lord and He is a gracious and loving Father.

Ok....I feel better now....and, it's time to get some food....I do get really moody if I go too long without food...and, it makes it really hard for me to concentrate on anything.....I actually haven't even had a coffee yet today....hmmm....that could be a large contributor to my blah.

Err on the side of magnificence

...I just had a very ego-boosting conversation with my friend and wise counselor, Ryan.

Essentially, he said I'm a little too self-deprecating and I should be bolder, given that I could potentially impact/influence more people for the better. He told me to "Err on the side of magnificence" since that is what I'm capable of :)

As you're reading this, please understand that I'm in no way trying to draw attention to myself, but rather Ryan's comments are pushing me to contemplate the concept of humility vs. passivity. I can say that I'm a quietly confident person, for the most part. I don't like loads of attention, but am I going so far in the other direction that I'm becoming ineffective? Are there times that I should step out and step up more?

Hmmm...

Mysterious purple stains on my left hand

Yep, this is what my blog has devolved to.....commentaries on my hands and the stains from who knows what source.

I apologize sincerely for the lack of content today.

If I had a camera, I would take a photo of my hand for illustrative purposes. Alas, no camera....no photo....I really don't know where these stains came from.....I generally keep my hands clean......it looks like I held onto a purple marker the wrong way. I don't HAVE a purple marker. And, the marks are around the base of my pinky finger...so I guess it doesn't look like I held a marker the wrong way, unless I held it with my pinky finger. Which I would never really do. I suppose I should try washing the stains away. But, I don't really want to get up at the moment. Plus, that would erase the mystery that is bringing interest into my momentary banality....I have NO idea if that constitutes a proper sentence...I think I just made up the word "banality," but you get the point......or not.

Oh, you thought I wasn't actually going to continue writing about this? This is what happens when I get bored. You get to be bored, too!

One of the things you can't really do on a blog...

...that you can in a paper journal is write about the boy (or girl..whatever the case may be for you) who you're into. Not that I have a burning desire to write about a boy (or maybe I do), but the potential is killed for me because I keep wondering, "What if he reads this...?" Ahhh!!!!! :)

Ok....to sleep now.....perchance to dream.

Blissful sleep...

I just napped for three hours after work......it felt good....until I realized that I felt like I was getting sick....I woke up from my nap and felt a touch bit nauseous.....it's settled now, but I think I'll call it a night and go back to bed.....I think my body needs rest. If I get to bed now, I could feel really well rested in the morning and go for a really long run before work! Let's see if that happens :)

Easter, Esther and honey bbq ribs

Three simple comments on the events of the day:

1) Easter Sunday. What a day of joy and peace.....it really was a day filled with a peace that could only come from the Father.

2) David preached on the book of Esther tonight and it was FA-BU-LOUS. Esther happens to be one of my favourite books of the Bible.....and the character of Esther really speaks to me.

3) Dinner after service was lovely. Good food....good friends (old and new)....The hand of the Lord over all of it.....wonderful.

I love my family :)

Today, I made the trip to Whitby to visit the fam.

Sometimes, it takes a lot of mental energy to get out there, but I always get excited on the way there. I get to see my mom, dad and brother. My brother's girlfriend and my aunt, uncle and baby cousin are usually present for family gatherings. We have a very warm, loving family and the time we spend together is full of laughter and good eating (my parents' cooking is to DIE for).

One of THE coolest things that we do as a family is sing worship songs....my brother is a worship leader at their church so he plays the guitar, I choose the songs and we all sing our hearts out.....Shannon, my two-year-old cousin, is adorable...she dances to our singing....she's a regular little charismatic, with her arms raised in the air and everything :)

I feel so blessed to have them....to be a part of this family. As much as we've butted heads in the past and the rough times we've been through together, nothing will ever replace them in my life.

Smile?

I have lots to smile about. But, that doesn't mean I'm always smiling.....especially when I'm out and about, walking to work, etc. This morning, on my way to work, I was wearing my normal, pensive expression when I walked by a delivery guy. Just as I walked by him, he says to me: "Smile!" It really caught me off guard because I had been day-dreaming about something and his comment snapped me back to reality.

My first instinct was a defensive one and I thought to myself: "What do you mean, 'Smile!' Are you implying that I'm not attractive if I'm not smiling.....or that I should smile at YOU.....pay YOU heed? I don't know you.....I don't owe you a smile....how dare you interrupt my thoughts...." I'm sure my internal rant went on much longer than that, but suffice it to say it was ugly.

It surprised me how quickly the anger welled up in me, in reaction to what that guy said.....and what he said was so simple and it was actually nice! It is a nice thing to encourage others to smile. So, what in me caused me to react how I did? How can I still be like that given how much I have to be thankful for and how much I have to smile, even dance, about?

Sometimes, I really suck.

I just had a baseball thrown at me...

...thankfully, it was made of foam :)

Gosh, I love office antics.

I think I'll start work at 6am everyday!

This is wicked....I'm sitting at home and it's only 3pm!! And, I had an awesome, fulfilling, stress-free day at work! Granted, it commenced at 6am today because we were shooting a corporate video....BUT, those are always fun and a change from the normal routine.....SO, the stress of last week has dissolved and things are looking good :) Really good :)

Shout-outs:
- Josh, brotha, the original J-dawg :) I'm praying for you for your summer plans
- Rachel, what would you do if I laughed like this....wha-chu-chu-chu-chu-chu (I couldn't stifle a giggle when I thought of that today)
- Felicity, sleepless in the CCC
- Lisa, I think we should schedule a hair colour appointment for Cat Green and Cat Black
- Jon, the man can dance.....watch out LM!
- Ryan, what's your favourite colour?
- TF, you're so funny....do that funny thing you do, again...

That's all I got.....

I don't have much time to write at the moment...

...but I don't know when I'll get to next and I really want to chronicle the events of this past weekend.

Here's the run down...don't blink :)
- Friday night, I slept over at Rachel's place with Felicity...Ann Marie and Johanna joined us on Friday night, but didn't sleep over.....it was SO fun!!
- In the morning, Lisa came over and joined us for brunch
- Made shortbread Easter cookies with the girls in the aft.....we even got to decorate them with Easter coloured icing!!!
- Walked home and met up with Tom before the creative planning meeting
- Grabbed dinner at Fujiyama :)
- Planning meeting went really well
- Hit the dance floor at Supermarket for Anne Marie and Mena's birthday party....my FT friends can MOVE!
- Ate far too many shortbread cookies and ice cream, and watched part of Kingdom of Heaven.....possibly starting to outrank Moulin Rouge as my favourite movie
- Went for a 40 minute run this morning
- Just ate some mini wheats and soy milk and I'm about to do some work :P (I have to work today to prep for a video shoot that starts at 6am tomorrow morning :P)

That's pretty much it!

Old life vs new life

It's the week for me to celebrate my first friend-a-versary with my FT peeps.

It's making me think about life pre-FT and how my quality of life now is so much better and I'm in such a better place.....only one year later!!!!!! Big props to "the one who brung" me ;)

Here's the comparison for anyone curious....

Old life:
- Living alone, sans amis
- Surviving attacks from a cat that was ass-crazy
- Engaging in self-destructive behaviour and relationships
- Feeling nervous, shaky and scared most of the time

...scary, that about sums up the OL....

New life:
- Living with K and J
- Having friends who call me and drop by for visits all the time
- No psycho cat, but lots of friends with uber-adorable felines (Oh, Avvy! Oh, Guido!)
- Engaging in life-giving, Christo-centric relationships
- Laughing a lot, enjoying life a lot and generally being in a good mood (for the most part....there are exceptions, but they're mostly short-lived)
- FT
- Feeling centred and like I'm standing with both feet firmly planted on solid ground

....I could go on, but I have to go clean the house before Bible study....

Yay, new life!!

I get a bike today!!!!

I'm SO excited!!! I get a bike today....but I'm not quite sure if I'm going to ride it right off the bat....I may have to start by just walking it down QW...then, slowly graduate to riding it on sidewalks, then take to some side streets....maybe I'll be on the road by September. Maybe.

I also need a helmet and a light (I think)...it's seems that's what other bike riders have...is there anything else I'm forgetting?

A sweet ending to a beautiful day :)

Going for a walk......sitting in Grange park with a Starbucks coffee and a slice of lemon poppyseed loaf.....praising God for the new life......chatting with Anton.......talking to my partner-in-crime-detecting, Cat Green, and coming up with a secret handshake....SO funny.......getting a Kinder Surprise from Rachel.....saying happy friend-a-versary to Lukie......A kick-ass church service......wicked worship, led by Leah.....really awesome teaching......acting silly and quirky with my brothers and sisters.......listening to Feist in Rob's car.......Red Room and stuffed french toast (no ham, extra cheese).....lots and lots of coffee.....giggly girl-talk.....wearing capris and no socks.......anticipation of my new bike, a la Tom (thank you times a hundred!!!!!!)......coming home to a real home that's full of love and joy :)

'Tis the stuff of dreams.

Quick shout-outs before I get ready for bed:
- Rachel
- Lisa T. N.
- Felicity
- Sallyanne
- Rob
- Tom
- Pat
- Jeremy
- Jarod and Meredith

It's a beautiful day!

I don't want to gush, but it's SO lovely out, today! And, it's an FT day :D And, I'll get to see my loves today! All of them....all in one place!!

My heart feels full with the joy of the Lord!


Alright, I guess I did gush.....and, I wanted to.

Grogalicious

Karl called me at 9am this morning to chat, catch-up and ask me to do something for him. I really want to make a sarcastic remark about that, but I also don't want to because as much as I could joke about it, I DO like doing things for him.......he's a really good brother to me. He doesn't grumble when I ask him to do stuff for me so I don't want to even jest about grumbling when he asks for my help. And, I was SO excited to talk to him 'cause he's been away for a week and a half now and I'm not sure when I'm going to get to see him again between now and when he comes back (still a few more weeks to go :P).

As light as this post started out, I just realized that I do get awfully defensive sometimes when some people ask me to do stuff for them........I think that my natural urge is to be as helpful as possible, but I've felt taken advantage of before and I don't like that feeling. And the thing is, I haven't been completely victimized by the "advantage-taking" of others.....it probably only happened once or twice in the past, but it was enough to sting me. I don't want that to impact my servitude to others!!!!! Ah, orphan heart.....you're a sneaky devil!

I also realized more recently that I have a long way to go towards humility. And, I guess that means letting others help me....actually admitting that I need help sometimes.......and not existing as an island. But, it feels so much safer this way!

Well. This is why I don't often write on my blog when I'm still groggy with sleep. But, I did, and it's ok. Actually, it was quite painful to write some of that....both because I hate being vulnerable and the very process was painful because I'm groggy and can't think very clearly or coherently. Now, I'm rambling.

Grogalicious = deliciously groggy. A state of being, usually first thing in the morning or after waking up from a mid-day/early-evening nap....my face is shiny, my hair is natty and I haven't brushed my teeth.....mmmmmm....grogalicious.

I don't know what to title this post.

I'm not yet sure what to name this post so I may just leave the title as-is.

It was a pretty chill day for me. Only a couple of meetings at work. Got lots of work done. Felt really at peace, but like I was expecting something exciting to happen. I was quite tired towards the end of the workday, but I ended it with a really great conversation with one of my favourite people :) .....are you satisfied, Ryan?

Not only was I on the tired side before I left the office, but I was also feeling quite restless and like I wanted to get away for an adventure. Little did I know that my adventure wasn't going to involve traveling a great distance. As I mentioned, I felt like I was anticipating something and I could feel something was "up" all day......I just didn't know what. Instead of an adventure as I usually define it, tonight I ended up going to TACF with my friends Enoch, Rob and Jon. It was definitely an eye-opening and spiritually-challenging evening. I really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and the Spirit spoke to my heart about very specific things and with messages for specific people. I'll have to be vague here because I'm yet mulling over these "things" and I don't think I have the words yet to really talk about it. And, some of the messages aren't for public consumption :)

All this to say, my plans are not His plans.....I could never have planned a night like this.

It was SO cool!!!!!!