Day of dreams

I am having the most fantastic day for daydreaming!!

Not really sure why, but I'm loving it :)

Robo-torqued....

....best describes how I feel right now......my adrenaline is pumping and I'm totally working it.

Yesterday, I had a crazy day.....split between a flurried morning at work, followed by moving my stuff to our new condo (a story for another day).

Today, I've been very productive and have had a day of meetings, desk work and calling people to follow-up on projects. As well, I took a situation that went sideways yesterday and turned it completely around.....with so much success that my VP emailed myself, two other VPs and a consultant to say how much she loved the work I did......I nearly passed out from relieft when I got that email 'cause I had been very very very concerned about the project.

I'm now getting myself organized for tomorrow....which looks like it's going to be another good day. No meetings, but lots of stuff to do. October is going to be a big month!!

Random update:

My head hurts like a mofo. I think I need to go for an eye test 'cause the pressure behind my eyes has been there for a few weeks now.

Fools in the rain....

.......it was cold and damp, it was muddy, we didn't shower.....and it was perfect.

My first moe down was phenomenal.......we danced and danced on a ski slope at night.....the lights were dazzling.....the sound was killer.......I've never experienced anything like that in my entire life!

I'm off from work....

.....'til next Wednesday!!!

I'm going to moe down, a music festival in upstate New York, for the weekend :)

We drive down tomorrow and it starts on Friday......I'm SO excited!!!!!!!

It'll be so nice to get away and just relax......sit around and do nothing......hang out with friends....get to hear fantastic live music.......

When I get back, things at work are going to ramp up almost immediately.....without a break until February (until I go away again).......this makes the time away that much sweeter :)

How am I feeling......now?

It's been awhile since the last post.....lots of fun stuff has happened in between, but I haven't had the mental energy to blog about it all......

For all curious, things are going well on my end :) Work is busy......life is progressing well.....things are well overall!

I don't have that much to say at the moment other than that....

I guess I am feeling dehydrated because....well....I haven't had much water lately.....that will be fixed soon, though, as I plan to drink water all evening......it's kind of crappy that it gets like this......I don't like drinking water, but I'm forced to when I realize that I can't function without it......if only I could get used to drinking water regularly........

Hmmmm......now....I'm bored......I'm waiting for Steve to be done work.....I'm done for the day and just killing time......

And, I think that really is it for now..........

Home

I was with my family for the weekend....it was really nice and relaxing :) I got to see my brother and his fiancée (they got engaged!!!!!!!!!!) and some old family friends.

I don't often stay for more than a day or even one night with my parents because I usually get pretty antsy.......and I did have a bout of that on Saturday evening.....but for the most part, I really enjoyed it! It's nice to touch base with the old home every now and then. My hometown feels so familiar and I feel so nostalgic driving around town.....I ended up getting a little teary eyed a number of times over the weekend....driving by the house I grew up in......seeing our family friends after such a long time......

At the same time, so many things have changed.....the landscape is changing as developers build subdivision after subdivision, upon strip mall, beside big box store. People have moved, grown up, married, divorced, had babies, passed away.........

As much as I have a fondness for the old familiar, I love life as it is now and going forward.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday

Tuesday

• Busy busy busy...lots of things needed to be communicated
• Got a hair cut :)
  
• Played hookey from the gym with Steve and went to Reds for wine and snacks
  
• Visited my parents!! Gave them the scoop on Steve (he was still dealing with the tech problem at work so he couldn't make it for the visit).....saw my brother and his girlfriend....hung out with my dad.....ate my mom's chocolate cake :)
  
• Got lots of clothes.....my parents shopped for me in VA and brought back a tonne of stuff....work clothes and casual......my favourite thing is the Izod track jacket...it's fuschia and white....simply stunning :)

Wednesday

• Went running with Kevin
• Had breakfast with Steve before we had to be at work......it was so nice to relax and have coffee at home instead of rushing and grabbing breakfast on the go
• Another busy day at work.....more communications....and our quarterly financial report (that's such a bitch to write).....
  
• Went to the gym!!!
• Steve made barbecued corn and a really great veggie dish for dinner.....ate with him, Kev and Jordan.....
• Stu came over and we all hung out for a bit.....
• Went for a walk with the boys while Steve had to call in for a meeting at 9pm.....dropped the boys off at a pub and attempted to walk in a wind storm....got whipped by sand....went back to the pub and ended up having more snacks....
• Steve joined us at the pub when he was done his meeting
• Went to Shopper's to buy hair accessories to go with the new do
  

Thursday

• Steering committee meeting for a community of practice that I'm a part of for work
  
• Ended up reviewing a DVD for a work project....that took up my morning
• Went for a walk at lunch with Steve
• Had coffee with an IT Director who was in town from our Waterloo office....we had a really great chat and it was a nice diversion from real work......and it took up another hour of my day :)
  
• Knocked off a communication.....reviewed some of Keron's work.....
  
• Got a call to run an announcement about one of our employees who passed away this week :(
• Started feeling flu-ish.....very warm....my friend Marinela checked and said I had a temperature :P
• Decided to forego the gym and came back to Steve's with him.....he's working (same tech problem ongoing)....I'm hanging out......Kev is making dinner....I think I'm going to eat, then nap....I think I need some tylenol, too
  

Starting the week again....

So far, so so.....

Got up early to go running with Kevin.....we're starting to see some good results in that our endurance is getting better :) For me, my knee feels so much better....that could be because of the weight training that I'm doing, too.

Work was normal on my end....not so normal for Steve since there was a techie issue that took up his day......we were intending on visiting my parents tonight, but we're pushing that to tomorrow evening instead......

I figured out my budget for August and it's looking good :) That's always something to celebrate.....

Tonight will be a quiet one.....I'm going to get some reading done.....get groceries.....I was going to go to the gym, but I think I'll do that before we visit my parents tomorrow......I think I'll do something with avocadoes for dinner tonight.....avocado soup potentially?

So, not a bad day, not a stellar day......just ordinary life :)

Rambling account of yesterday

Yesterday, Steve and I were in Waterloo for the day.........driving there, we had the music cranked and we sang along to eighties pop :)

We drove through St. Jacobs and hit the market for steaks......we picked up some other goodies like pepperettes, cheese curd and apple fritters :) We found the biggest shallots I've ever seen in my entire life.......and we found a purpler pepper! Weird, but I'm really intrigued about what that'll taste like.

After the market, we drove over to Steve's dad's place and I got to meet Mr. Paul Grossman for the first time. He's so cool :) We connected over smoked fish and turkey sausage.....and laughing at Steve's ridiculousness.

Tangent.....My brother and Fel happened to call so I got to chat with both of them......my brother's knee is pretty much back to normal......I bugged him a bit about my parents coming back from VA......they're back either tonight or tomorrow......they get to meet Steve!!

Back to the main plot....

I went down for a nap for part of the afternoon while Steve and his dad tooled around in the garage.....by the time I was up, it was pretty much time to hit the road again......we had plans to pick up corn from a farm (it was SO fresh!!!!) and have dinner with Shawn and Hailey (the last of Steve's closest friends who I had to meet...).......

Dinner turned out to be really great....the steaks were fantastic! Shawn's parents and grandmother were also over so we chatted with them and I got an invite to Shawn and Hailey's wedding......in the Dominican!!!!! They're getting married in February 2007 so that could be my early 2007 vacation.....and then I can do Israel with my parents later in the year (May-ish).

Shawn's neice (6 months old) and nephew (I think he was 3 years old) were also over 'cause his parents were babysitting them so I got to play with the baby and Steve shucked corn with Shawn's nephew :) That was too cute for words.

After dinner, we went to Jane Bond (a pretty trendy little place for Waterloo)....and had a couple of drinks (I was DD so I had a diet coke).....we had THE most hilarious conversation in the car, just before dropping Shawn and Hailey back at their place....Shawn, I hope Hailey didn't kick your ass too hard after we left ;)

The drive home was lovely.......Steve and I.....driving along....chatting about the day.....listening to our music :) Probably my favourite part of the day.

Today, Steve is at his cousin's wedding and I'm doing laundry and getting ready for church......after church, I'm going out with FT peeps......Steve will most likely hook up with us then......and then we start the week again.

The end.

Sideways and back

This week was off the hook.....in good ways and bad.....

With the mixed bag of good, bad and tired moments, it certainly finished well.....this evening we experienced the product of months and months of planning.......we had our one by one art exhibition this evening (check out onebyoneart.com for more info....).....and it was a wicked success :D

Many people pooled talents and resources to make tonight happen....TF, you are the prince of it all......you rock. You're a natural leader and it was a pleasure to work with you on this project.

Now, I'm spent.....time for bed......we're in Waterloo tomorrow (Steve and I...)......then it's a quiet day in the city on Sunday.

now to sleep.........

Wickedest birthday EVER

Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

I had THE most incredible time last night at the New Deal concert!!!!!!!!! I danced and danced and danced with Steve.....[I think I've met all his friends now (except for Shawn)].....and they were all so amazing.....really warm and genuine :)

I felt so alive and HAPPY.

Today is a day for recuperating.......we get to lounge around and do a hecka lot of nothing.........that's making me smile :)

I'm 26 today....

Weird....I still feel like I'm 5 :)

I'm currently bopping to "Rock the boat."

Stu - *high five*

I've also got a hello kitty tat on my arm.....there's more of that to come ;)

Oh, birthdays are fun!!

My baby Nano

I had a wicked awesome day yesterday :D

• Great day at work....Debbie was HILARIOUS
• Went for sushi at lunch with Steve
  
• Took myself shopping and got wrist bands and a matching head band for Steve; a skirt, a pair of shorts and a dress for myself; and, a birthday present for a friend
• Went out for dinner with Steve, Stu, Kevin and Jordan (SKJ)
• Got my pre-birthday present from Steve.....an iPod Nano!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Played with Nano
• Went to the gym while the boys went to some event
• Went for a run after the gym (with Nano)
  
• Enjoyed Nano

I'm now up early, feeling energized, playing with Nano again and getting ready for the day.

Today:

• I get to record a voice over for a corporate video!
• Today is also my birthday eve!!!!!
  
• I'm going to party....hard :) I have the day off tomorrow so I can certainly afford to.

Birthday:

• I'm going to a New Deal concert
• In a couple of weeks, Lady J and I are having our 2nd annual joint party somewhere in the city
• I'm probably going to hang out at the spa......I heart Elmwood :)
  
• It's also my dad's birthday :) He's SO going to covet Nano
  

A post in two parts, with two appendices

Part ein
Enoch, I just read your comment on Lisa's blog re: my aversion to velvet.....that's hilarious that you remembered that!!! I really can't handle velvet, or velour or corduroy....yuck. Makes my skin crawl.

Part deux
Last night, I went to a private, "by invitation only" pre-party at Century for the Mike and Tre concert that was tonight (I didn't go to the concert, but Steve is there...)....the party last night was so hot! And, Mike and Tre played a half set with the band that was playing and we were there, up close and personal.....!!!!! I have to say, I'm very much enjoying my new experiences.

Appendix apple
Steve update - still awesome :)

Appendix butterfly
Hello to....

• Mom and Daddy in VA
• Josh and Beth...what are you getting me for my birthday?
• Karl - hi brother :)
  
• Fel - thanks for the visit at work!
• Lady J - wish you were here...looking forward to August 4th :)
• SKJ - that could stand for:
• Steve and Karin Jones....away at camp; or,
  
• Shannon Kimberly Jones....so cute!! Or,
  
• Stu, Kev and Jordan...also cute :)

All that glitters....

....is my life right now :)

God has been blessing me abundantly over the past little while.....I'm feeling so much more centred lately.......I feel like I hit the reset button and I'm discovering how to make decisions so that I'm working to my full potential and feeling the most "myself" as I've ever felt.....and I guess that comes from learning more about who God wants me to be....and where He wants me.....and realizing that things aren't always black and white.....or rigid :)

I'm also enjoying life and really living......I'm loving work.......I'm eating healthier, sleeping at least 8 hours a night, reading, working out, running, spending time with Steve.....I've severed some attachments that were holding me from moving forward.......all is in balance......

My spiritual director had some really encouraging advice for me.....to paraphrase, she said that I need not feel guilty about making decisions for myself.....we are supposed to be living lives of freedom, without guilt.....we often can get pigeon-holed into doing things that we think we "should" be doing just to please others.....a trap that I fall into more than I like...and, often, we create rules and laws in our lives, or we allow others to impose rules and laws in our lives, unecessarily and to our detriment.

So, my decision-making devices are now: 1) What is the most life-giving choice I can make, and 2) What choice will lead to freedom as opposed to obligation and guilt. In other words, what do I really LOVE doing as opposed to what makes me feel like shit or that backs me into a corner that I'll regret later.

It's really hard sometimes to anticipate how a decision will make you feel, but I think that I'm getting to a point where I know my patterns and I can give a good guess as to how I will feel in certain situations.......it's obviously not an exact science....but I'm also learning to worry about that less, too......

......in the end, this all pales in light of eternity......

Shucking...

:)

We are shucking (and eating) 20 dozen (and that's not a typo) oysters tonight!!!!!

It's going to be a good night :)

Steve's brother is doing the job right now....and we're standing around, watching, learning....I shucked one earlier...sort of....I need practice.

Side note - we're also listening to fabulous music right now.....old school, nostalgic tunes....it's just all so....nice :)

I miss summer dinners down in Virginia....eating steamed clams, oysters....crab and shrimp....all you can eat :)

My parents are down south for the summer (as I mentioned in a previous post....)...so they're enjoying the southern, east coast cuisine that characterizes Chincoteague (google it).

Shout-outs:

• Felicity, Rachel, and Blake for brunch at Boom!
• Felicity, you deserve an extra hello for our afternoon meanderings
• Kev, good sort of run this morning :)
• Lorne, keep on shucking
  
• Jordan, thanks for showing up....it was good.....thanks.
• Stu, thanks for the advice re: the boiled celery....I'm on it :)
  

I could be allergic to cherries

I'm not sure, but it's possible......

I was at Tom's house this aft for a one by one meeting and we were eating some cherries that Val brought......after a bit, I started to feel really sick :P And, I got really tired and hot.....I was having hot flashes!

So....I think I'm allergic, but it could have been that I was just generally tired and the heat was getting to me....

That's another thing....I seem to be very sensitive to heat....over the past couple of years, I've noticed that I get very drained really quickly if I'm in the sun for too long....and too long seems to be as little as half an hour depending on how hot it is.....

I'm feeling warm now, but that's probably 'cause this silly place has no a/c........thanks, Karl.

Steve is at Darien Lake today 'til tomorrow.......yep, I miss him. But, he'll be back soon enough......this week is his birthday and I know what I'm going to get him :) At least, I know part of what his gift is going to be.....I'm going to go present shopping tomorrow for the rest of the gift.

Shout outs:
- Kevin, thanks for the run this morning!!
- Stu, the purple shirt was a good choice ;)
- Jordan, thanks for fixing my back!!!
- Tom and Rob, always a pleasure....it's been awhile since we hung out so it was nice to see you guys this evening :)
- Esther, I'm so happy for you :)

Thoughts for the day....

1. I felt a little tired this morning.

2. I had a quiet day....got lots of writing and editing done

3. I brought a lunch from home today and I ate it outside with Steve :)

4. My AVP just reminded me that it's my two-year anniversary today with the company! Weird....I was only 23 when I started here as a consultant!

5. I'm meeting up with Fel just before 6pm and then we have LR tonight....our groups are tag-teaming it tonight!!

6. I feel warm right now :P

7. I get to see Steve later this evening....he's so sweet to me :)

8. I have to wear make-up tomorrow for a corporate video....and I don't want to. But, the video will be fun and I get to work with Karl on it!!

9. On Friday, I'll start celebrating my birthday two weeks (the two weeks prior to my birthday).

Islands in the stream....

....that is what we are.

No one in between

How could we be wrong

Sail away with me, to another world

As we rely on each other, uh-huh

From one love to another, uh-huh.

FYI

Just to reorient myself a little bit, I re-read Proverbs 31:10-31...that was the inspiration for my blog's name (read my post from Thursday, January 26 for the explanaton)....So, I thought I'd type out the passage here....as a bit of a sign post for myself and as a quick reference for those of you who are curious:

An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesman.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord,
She shall be praised.
Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.
~ Proverbs 31:10-31 (New American Standard Bible)

Freedom update

1. I took a nap for two hours!!

2. I went for a walk down Queen West....did some window shopping....got tired of the crowds and headed for home....

3. Picked up a meatball sub and white chocolate macademia nut cookies....and, I had a Coke Zero.......I haven't had Coke in months.....it's making me feel dehydrated and over-heated....I vow not to do that again.

4. Ate my dinner.....watched North Country (really good movie)

5. Put on my Shaye album....and got lots of work done!! I was able to write scripted prompts for the video shoot that I'm organizing for this week....I wrote a communication for my VP and I also rewrote a communication that my assistant first drafted....that one was the challenge.....and I think I've finally nailed it!

6. I did some googling for the fun of it :)

7. My Uncle Steven called and I talked to him for a bit.....I told him about Steve :) And, yes, they have the same name....I also told him about Josh....Josh fractured his knee this week :P

8. I figured out which BSS song I like (in addition to Lover's spit).....it's called "Anthem for a seventeen year old girl."

9. I can hear fireworks going off outside.....they're making me feel a little edgy.

10. I've decided I'm going to clean the house up tomorrow and get rid of some of the crap that's been laying around....then, I'm going shopping and walking in the afternoon. I haven't decided yet if I want to go to church or take a break from that, too....

11. I really like the song "Twenty-four" by Switchfoot right now....

Freedom

I'm flying solo for the most part of this weekend.......and I LOVE it!!!!!

I have the whole of today and tomorrow to myself......to pray and read..........to walk around the city.....paint.....write.....get caught up on work and prepare for the week ahead.....to workout and to sleep as much as I want to :)

It's been a really great day so far.......I did have some social time this morning 'cause I had brunch with Steve's housemate, Kevin, at the little greasy spoon diner on the north side of Queen, just east of Spadina. I'd never been there before, but the food was good and it was so much like the little diners that I used to go to with my family when I was a kid......

I also got in an hour and fifteen minutes on my elliptical and I had a loooooong shower :)

Right now, I'm just surfing the net.....reading up on blogs.....drinking Perrier......it's just so nice and quiet (apart from Louis Armstrong's "Blueberry Hill' playing in the backgroud.....).....delightful.

Thank you....

I feel like I owe a lot of people a really huge "thank you".....I've been getting a lot of wise counsel and care from a bunch of you lately and it's been so encouraging and heart-warming :D

A very special shout-out to Jacqueline, Felicity and Josh (my spiritual sisters.....and my younger brother....who's so much more mature and wiser than I).....the three of you are exceptional. You're able to combine wisdom with grace and love in a way that is rare and refreshing.

I also feel like I need to write a "change management" type of communication (cue the communication nerd in me).

Life is always in flux for me.....and, I'm used to that! I sometimes forget that others may not be as used to that....or intuitively deduct that if such and such a thing happens, it implies such and such a change. All that to say, I've felt a change happening in me for awhile now....before the trip, after the trip, etc. To sum it up, I just feel like I need a lot of quiet time....away from groups of people....not because I don't like people, but because I'm realizing that I need a lot more space.

So, that's where I'm at right now......kind of in an in-between place....trying to move towards more space and clarity....

Happy dancin'

Oh, it's a good day!!

I had no emails waiting for me this morning....no voicemails......manager isn't here....assistant has work to do......and I'm hungry so I can get a really great breakfast and I have time to enjoy it instead of inhaling it. I wrapped a couple of projects yesterday.....there are no crises or emergencies that need communication support. I have a pure desk day :)

Steve is still doing well......we're doing well! It's been two weeks......already......and yet it feels like it's only been that long. It's so hard to explain why it works without gushing.....but gushing can be fun :)

:D And now, I have another reason.....as I'm sitting here at my desk.....Steve walks up with a newspaper and a breakfast bar for me.......see? That's what I'm talking about :)

Diamonds

Today was hard as nails.

It felt like 50 different projects required my attention at once....it was very very draining.

But, it's ending on a completely different note...I just finished hanging out with Steve, Jordan, Stu, Dave and Marinela. And now, Stu and I are watching the Family Guy movie while Jordan, Steve and Dave are at the Broken Social Scene concert (Marinela had to be somewhere else for the evening).

Anyways, things are looking up!

To Kevin

Are you happy now?

Update overdue

Sorry for the lag between posts....it's been a busy week and a bit :)

Lots of good stuff to report....work is crazy, but fun....life in general is great...

Steve is awesome!

I think that just about sums it up :)

But, permit me to gush a little....

Steve is so funny and smart....he's ridiculously cute :) I just feel so comfortable with him....really at ease and myself. I feel supported and appreciated....And, I don't feel anxious or like I need to strive to be anything in particular when I'm with him.

I think that's enough gushing for the moment ;)

We've been hanging out a lot and getting to know one another....I've met some of his friends and I'll get to meet more this weekend......his friends are so sweet and just genuinely great people......

It's all just so....nice. I feel like life is shades of pink right now :)

It was a.....what???

Good grief.

I'm not sure how I tumbled into it, but I found myself on a date last night (Lisa - we NEED to have a girl's coffee or some such thing....)

And......it was really wicked.

Dave Matthews Band + Molson Amph. + chill summerish evening + really cute boy = good time had by Roshan

Funny thing is....everything happened out of the blue......I didn't have plans to go to the show.....I got offered the ticket at the end of the work day and I went with someone I met pretty much at the same time.....her name was Nat...she is pretty cool, too! Then, I called Steve (the boy) who I knew was also going to the show to say "Hey! Guess what...." and the rest is last night's story.

Lol.....at one point, he bent down and said to me, "This is a great first date, eh?" And, my response (like, for real and out loud) was, "Is that what this is??"

It's even funnier 'cause I've been sort of side-stepping a request for a date from this boy for the past week....I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do....funny that.

For those who have the burning desire to know......he knows I'm a Christian.....not sure if he is, but I don't really feel worried about it 'cause he seemed really stoked that I went on my India trip and stuff.....done loads of praying about this in the past few hours and I'm just left with a very nice sense that all will be well if I keep my actions God-honouring throughout.....

Crazy.

Unusual spots....

....of colour

....of schmutz

....of calm

....of pain

....of fun

It was a day of surprises.

Nothing like a day of fresh air and softball to make it feel like summer!

It was a gorgeous (though a little windy) day for our company softball tournament. My team was named "Paradise by the dashboard light" a la my friend Steven (isn't that the best name ever!!!). We didn't win per se....per se....we had tonnes of fun....and that's what really counts...isn't it?

Either way, I killed it.....wow, do I miss playing competitive sports.....

I can't WAIT for FT softball this summer......I gotta get my skillz in better shape, but I found I was more than ok today for not having picked up a bat yet this year :)

I got a lot more colour today, too......my nose is very very very bronzed (more so than my normal tint...)....

I have to admit to more than my fair share of ego boosts today, too.....my friend Steven and his friends kept me entertained the whole day....AND, I was invited to ride in a Jeep YJ with the top off and windows down.....AND, I was told that I was hot by Steve's physiotherapist friend.....and Steve.

Moving on.....

My parents dropped by the game to watch me play....I had my first at bat while they were there and I just cranked it :) It felt SO good!! I won't see them again for another 6 weeks 'cause they're off to Virginia for the summer.....wish I was retired :P

My mom made some incredible chocolate chip, mocha, walnutty cookies and gave us a whole tin full......she's so cool :)

Now, I have some down time....for about half an hour....then I'm gonna get prettied up for dinner....and pick a dinner place.....I feel like something on the finer side.......something with a view.....I'm thinking Panorama.....or something on College......not sure what though.....big K may have to give the final word.

I don't think I could've had a better friggin' day so far :D

The sun will come out.

It will, I can feel it :)

Things have been a little cloudy lately. I've had a long week. Getting back into things after the trip has been a challenge. But, perseverance is critical. And, reliance and submission are life-giving.

I had a migraine yesterday that rocked my world. I only feel a little achey today so that's good....my eyesight is still a little strained, but it's not killing me.

I keep falling in love with my work...which is good because some days are strenuous....in the end though, I love it....I love my team!

Yay, team!

Kickin'

...the soccer ball around was really fun tonight....especially when some random black lab joins the game and hoofs (well, she actually used her nose...) the ball right through Karl's legs......SO cute :)

Bliss. Full.

I'm at my parent's place from tonight 'til tomorrow night....and....it's just really....nice.

I have the added pleasure of having big K with me....well...not yet 'cause he's still workin' in Bowmanville....just about to go pick him up......so, my two worlds collide...in a good way.

It's going to be a time of eating, relaxing and shopping over the next 24 hours.... my dad made egg bread for brunch tomorrow......my mom made momos tonight....mmmmm......and she made chocolate cake with peanut butter filling.....the woman is incredible.

I really love my family....they're so cool :)

Hold me closer tiny dancer.

Lol...that's for you, Rach :) It'll never get old :D

So...I have some random anecdotes from the day.....

1. Penis vs. pianist.....hard to distinguish the difference when pronounced by an English-speaking Francophone....I was in a meeting today and one of the Directors said something about a short term disability case where a person's functionality in their occupation could be impacted if they're a pianist and their finger gets cut off.....except "pianist" sounded like "penis"....I had to fight so hard to keep my decorum.

2. I thought Ryan was king of the "mama" jokes.....but I think Rachel could give him a run with "Ta mere est une vache sallee" (my apologies for the lack of accents....can't figure out the commands for them on a mac).

3. Ben Folds sings a pretty mean "Tiny Dancer."

4. I'm having a really rough time getting back into the social scene after my trip.....I really missed home and my friends here....but for some reason I have a resistance against any sort of social gathering....I want to see people, but I don't want to go out or be in large groups...but at the same time, I do....and then I don't.....it's starting to worry me.....and that's starting to get really frustrating......I'm not sure what to do.

5. On a better note, work is good and I like being there! I really should build a fort there.....with cardboard boxes and pillows.

6. My parents bought my brother a Jeep Grand Cherokee.....lucky bugger. It's all pimped out, too....leather int., power everything.....heated friggin' seats.....I used to drive an Optima when I lived at home....when my brother inherited it from me, it actually died on him while he was on the 401, driving to an exam...!! It was an ass-car of the finest variety.

7. I really need to stop falling in love....especially when I'm not supposed to be dating until sometime in August..... *heavy exhale*

....and......I'm done.

Three musings

I'm thinking about three things right now. I don't really know what I want to say about each, but they're giving me much pause for consideration:

1. Eternity now
2. His purpose was, is and is to be Love
3. Obedience versus sacrifice

I may be able to elucidate later, but for the moment, this will have to suffice.

Trippin'

I'm in Giessen, Germany now! Rachel and I arrived safely this morning, in Frankfurt. We've spent the day getting rest ('cause sleeping on the plane was useless)...walking around the downtown area of Giessen...and eating lots and lots of food...we had soft pretzels, schnitzel, spatel....brownies...it's been friggin' awesome :)

Tomorrow, we're off to discover other little towns with Rach's mom, sister and grandmother....there's so much history to see here...everything seems to have a story behind it.

Sorry for the quick post, but I'm going to bed now 'cause I'm still seriously jet lagged. I'll post again in a couple of days from Paris :)

Much love!

One more sleep!!!!!!!!!

Oh crap, I'm so excited....so excited I can't sleep.....I haven't packed yet, but I can't seem to focus on any one thing to get that done......oh well! It'll get done :)

I'm going to Europe tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! With Rachel!!!!!!!!!!!

*high five*

Three more sleeps!!!

'Til Rach and I take off for Germany, France and Monaco......I'm getting really really really excited!!!!

I made a plan for the next few days....things I need to do between now and take-off....things I need to pack....and people I'll need to bring back treats for/write to while I'm away :)

So far, I've been able to check off all my to do's for this aft!! I love lists and being organized.....I think that's why I love Rachel so much....she's the queen of spreadsheets....the diva of organized spontaneity.....this trip is going to rock.

My brother...in the driver seat...

Proud, I am :)

My brother et al.

Ryan - I think you'll appreciate this :) I'm tellin' you....you guys will be like two peas....

I LOVE my brother.....not just 'cause he's my brother, but he's super chill and just about the coolest, smartest person I know.

Home alone....

....I have the house to myself for the weekend 'cause Karl is out of town.....

What to do....what to do....my first thought was that I could run around naked......hey, anyone living with housemates KNOWS that's what they'd do first :)

Actually, I do have a house guest in Karl's stead.....Melissa will be hanging out on our couch for a couple of days....so, there will be someone else around :)

If you read Rachel's blog, you'd know that we hit an event planner's tradeshow yesterday afternoon....what a blissful way to shake off the crap from earlier this week. It marked the turning point in my week, for sure :) There's nothing like being down by the lake when the water is sparkling, eating ice cream, drinking free beer and indulging in all sorts of mini-adventures (for free!) to drive away the blahs. Working a five-hour day is pretty sweet, too :)

Today, was a rainy day. I heart rainy days. I really really really love rainy days. It was nice and quiet at work. Not a lot of people were out walking so my walk to and from work was a touch more tranquil than usual. I got to chat with people I like and people who like me. I also worked out and while I was ellipticalling (or ellipticizing?) I started reading a book called "Captivating." It has struck a definite chord with me and I think I'll learn a lot from it......I'm kind of excited about it :) It feels like just the right thing to be reading after having just finished "I kissed dating good-bye."

I have a phone date with a good friend later this evening. And, I think I'll be in bed at a decent time, tonight. All in all, things are back to "normal."

:)

Today is a new day!

:)

Non-allergy-related tears...

....or damn near close to it....

Today kicked my ass all over the place.

I found out that the system disruption that I caused yesterday (very innocently and unintentionally, mind you) had a bigger impact than I had gauged and caused more than just raised eyebrows. The only saving grace is the grace of God in all of this. My AVP was super nice to me all day and totally had my back even though I had caused the screw-up. I won't get fired, which was my initial thought when I found out what had happened. I can actually say that it didn't bring me to tears even though I probably had cause to bawl my little eyes out. God does provide strength and His mercy is so sweet. I was able to get through a ridiculous meeting and survive withouth losing focus. Praise Him for that 'cause I really don't know how I could've done that on my own.

I will end this on a brighter note and say that the entire day wasn't crappy....it was tempered by the above situation, but it was also intensely good....I got asked to work on another project. And, because, on the surface, I was able to hold it together and hold my own through the crappy situation, my AVP was somewhat impressed. It was certainly a learning and growing experience. The Lord can do the most incredble things in the worst circumstances.

When I got home from work, I went for a walk in Kensington which totally helped me shake off the yuckiness I was feeling. AND, I bought little herb plants -- rosemary, thyme and basil :) They're sitting in the living room now and they look really cute.

So, I do feel better now. And, tomorrow is another day. And, all that crap that happened is so insignificant....in light of eternity.

Some thoughts since I haven't posted in a week....

...Well, there's not really too much to say.....things are good.....life is sweet.....apart from not being able to get chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream at Baskin Robbins tonight (it was closed.....for the love of...)

So....what can I say?

Let's see....I got up at a decent time this morning. Didn't really have to rush getting ready and was still out the door at 8am. Got to work....was uber productive and had a tonne of stuff done by 9:30am. Had a fab lunch with Andrew at the Brasserie....saw Jeff and Cindy! Got back to work....had a good afternoon at work.....caused a slight system disruption, but whatev.....came home around 5:30-ish.....cleaned the fridge....hung out with Karl on the sofa....wrote in my real journal....talked to Anton when he stopped by for a bit.....hung out with Karl in his room.....went to get ice cream....stopped at the Village Idiot to say hi to the Monday night FT crew.....got to BR and it was closed....walked down McCaul....saw Cindy, again! Walked to Ben & Jerry's....it was closed....close to tears (more because of allergies, but a little bit attributable to my thwarted quest for ice cream)....walked to Starbucks for a different kind of treat...had a peanut butter bar...Karl had a giant chocolate chip cookie....walked home through the park......having a glass of wine.....Karl's painting something on the wall of his bedroom.....found out that he doesn't have to get up early so we can watch a movie (wicked)....going to watch Kingdom of Heaven.

That's all. A good end to a good day.

:)

Shameless self-promotion....

....but I suppose it's allowed once in awhile given this is MY blog.

Guess who got a promotion?

Oh yeah :)

This is SENIOR Communications Consultant signing off.

So, I've decided...

....to make some changes.

To start, I'm making a concerted effort to be in bed at a decent time every night. I'm going to be judicious in how I spend my time....this means I probably won't get to hang out with everyone, all the time and I'll probably end up missing more than one fun FT event. But, it does mean that when I do spend time with my friends, they'll have my undivided and un-sleep-deprived attention. I can't stand feeling cranky, irritable or exhausted and I hate that I do feel like that when I need to be there for others.

Also, I'm looking at a number of major decisions that I've made in the past that have had a negative or stress-inducing affect on my life.....Some that even seemed life-giving to begin with, but turned out to be burdensome to all involved. I don't want to lament the decisions or dwell on the negative, but I do want to learn from them. And, in some cases, take steps to make things right. I've decided it's never too late to turn around and take steps in the right direction.....no matter how many steps I've gone in the wrong direction thus far.

As for today. it was a day full of peace. I really did feel abnormally focused and got tonnes of work done. And, I managed to be more than just efficient with work tasks. I chatted with work friends, good friends and my fam.

In a nutshell, I was in an optimizing mode all day. I know not every day will be the same, but I feel like the trajectory wasn't so steep today......

Shout-outs (it's been awhile):

- Ryan, it's always a pleasure :)
- Nadine, congratulations on the M license!!!
- Shawn, you've been a most gracious house guest....come stay again!!
- Debbie, all I have to say is "a-ma-bee-yay" (sorry for butchering even the phonetic spelling)....thanks for introducing me to Cantores Celestes!!
- Johanna, that is one freakin' awesome Bench hoodie-esque top ;)

He Reigns...

...by the Newsboys....it's on repeat on my iTunes right now.....

He really does reign!!!!

Things are great...nothing new to report at the moment.

Thoughts before bed

1. I am so stinkin' tired that I'm not sure I'll be able to get to sleep.

2. I am so exhausted by some peoples' pettiness that it's driving me crazy.....but, I can't let it get to me....if I do, I just provide a petri dish for the poison (mixed metaphors?).

3. I am sincerely thankful for Monkeys K & J right now.

4. I really really really need a vacation away from EVERYTHING.

5. I feel yucky.

6. Braydon is super cute.....I wish I had more time to hang out with him.

Braydon Steven

He is my new baby cousin....born this morning!!!!!

I'm going to go see him now :D

Blah....

It's time for a bit of a rant. This morning, I woke up a bit later than usual (probably 'cause I got to sleep closer to 3am). I've been sneezing all morning and feeling like I'm catching a cold :P My assistant freaked me out this morning by telling me that we got a disgruntled email from an important Director (turns out it wasn't so bad, but I still need to put out a mini fire). Someone else was disgruntled because I re-wrote an announcement for him (it was awful and I wouldn't let it go in its original state). And, a video that I'm working on is ass because the videographer added in some background music that gives the video an x-rated feel. All in all, I just feel very very very tired and worn out. And, I haven't eaten....my perspecitve might be better once I eat....and maybe I should write down what I'm thankful for now....that could lift my spirits...here goes....

....I get to work from home on Monday!!! I made really good progress on our quarterly financial report. I don't have as much work as I thought I had to do on another presentation. My boss and my big boss are totally backing me up on all the decisions/difficult news I've had to give to people about their ass-tastic writing. I have an assistant :) I'm going to Kate's party tonight!! I'm going running with Jonathan tomorrow morning!!! I'm going to Germany with Rachel in less than a month!!!! Karl is home :D I am a child of the Lord and He is a gracious and loving Father.

Ok....I feel better now....and, it's time to get some food....I do get really moody if I go too long without food...and, it makes it really hard for me to concentrate on anything.....I actually haven't even had a coffee yet today....hmmm....that could be a large contributor to my blah.

Err on the side of magnificence

...I just had a very ego-boosting conversation with my friend and wise counselor, Ryan.

Essentially, he said I'm a little too self-deprecating and I should be bolder, given that I could potentially impact/influence more people for the better. He told me to "Err on the side of magnificence" since that is what I'm capable of :)

As you're reading this, please understand that I'm in no way trying to draw attention to myself, but rather Ryan's comments are pushing me to contemplate the concept of humility vs. passivity. I can say that I'm a quietly confident person, for the most part. I don't like loads of attention, but am I going so far in the other direction that I'm becoming ineffective? Are there times that I should step out and step up more?

Hmmm...

Mysterious purple stains on my left hand

Yep, this is what my blog has devolved to.....commentaries on my hands and the stains from who knows what source.

I apologize sincerely for the lack of content today.

If I had a camera, I would take a photo of my hand for illustrative purposes. Alas, no camera....no photo....I really don't know where these stains came from.....I generally keep my hands clean......it looks like I held onto a purple marker the wrong way. I don't HAVE a purple marker. And, the marks are around the base of my pinky finger...so I guess it doesn't look like I held a marker the wrong way, unless I held it with my pinky finger. Which I would never really do. I suppose I should try washing the stains away. But, I don't really want to get up at the moment. Plus, that would erase the mystery that is bringing interest into my momentary banality....I have NO idea if that constitutes a proper sentence...I think I just made up the word "banality," but you get the point......or not.

Oh, you thought I wasn't actually going to continue writing about this? This is what happens when I get bored. You get to be bored, too!

One of the things you can't really do on a blog...

...that you can in a paper journal is write about the boy (or girl..whatever the case may be for you) who you're into. Not that I have a burning desire to write about a boy (or maybe I do), but the potential is killed for me because I keep wondering, "What if he reads this...?" Ahhh!!!!! :)

Ok....to sleep now.....perchance to dream.

Blissful sleep...

I just napped for three hours after work......it felt good....until I realized that I felt like I was getting sick....I woke up from my nap and felt a touch bit nauseous.....it's settled now, but I think I'll call it a night and go back to bed.....I think my body needs rest. If I get to bed now, I could feel really well rested in the morning and go for a really long run before work! Let's see if that happens :)

Easter, Esther and honey bbq ribs

Three simple comments on the events of the day:

1) Easter Sunday. What a day of joy and peace.....it really was a day filled with a peace that could only come from the Father.

2) David preached on the book of Esther tonight and it was FA-BU-LOUS. Esther happens to be one of my favourite books of the Bible.....and the character of Esther really speaks to me.

3) Dinner after service was lovely. Good food....good friends (old and new)....The hand of the Lord over all of it.....wonderful.

I love my family :)

Today, I made the trip to Whitby to visit the fam.

Sometimes, it takes a lot of mental energy to get out there, but I always get excited on the way there. I get to see my mom, dad and brother. My brother's girlfriend and my aunt, uncle and baby cousin are usually present for family gatherings. We have a very warm, loving family and the time we spend together is full of laughter and good eating (my parents' cooking is to DIE for).

One of THE coolest things that we do as a family is sing worship songs....my brother is a worship leader at their church so he plays the guitar, I choose the songs and we all sing our hearts out.....Shannon, my two-year-old cousin, is adorable...she dances to our singing....she's a regular little charismatic, with her arms raised in the air and everything :)

I feel so blessed to have them....to be a part of this family. As much as we've butted heads in the past and the rough times we've been through together, nothing will ever replace them in my life.

Smile?

I have lots to smile about. But, that doesn't mean I'm always smiling.....especially when I'm out and about, walking to work, etc. This morning, on my way to work, I was wearing my normal, pensive expression when I walked by a delivery guy. Just as I walked by him, he says to me: "Smile!" It really caught me off guard because I had been day-dreaming about something and his comment snapped me back to reality.

My first instinct was a defensive one and I thought to myself: "What do you mean, 'Smile!' Are you implying that I'm not attractive if I'm not smiling.....or that I should smile at YOU.....pay YOU heed? I don't know you.....I don't owe you a smile....how dare you interrupt my thoughts...." I'm sure my internal rant went on much longer than that, but suffice it to say it was ugly.

It surprised me how quickly the anger welled up in me, in reaction to what that guy said.....and what he said was so simple and it was actually nice! It is a nice thing to encourage others to smile. So, what in me caused me to react how I did? How can I still be like that given how much I have to be thankful for and how much I have to smile, even dance, about?

Sometimes, I really suck.

I just had a baseball thrown at me...

...thankfully, it was made of foam :)

Gosh, I love office antics.

I think I'll start work at 6am everyday!

This is wicked....I'm sitting at home and it's only 3pm!! And, I had an awesome, fulfilling, stress-free day at work! Granted, it commenced at 6am today because we were shooting a corporate video....BUT, those are always fun and a change from the normal routine.....SO, the stress of last week has dissolved and things are looking good :) Really good :)

Shout-outs:
- Josh, brotha, the original J-dawg :) I'm praying for you for your summer plans
- Rachel, what would you do if I laughed like this....wha-chu-chu-chu-chu-chu (I couldn't stifle a giggle when I thought of that today)
- Felicity, sleepless in the CCC
- Lisa, I think we should schedule a hair colour appointment for Cat Green and Cat Black
- Jon, the man can dance.....watch out LM!
- Ryan, what's your favourite colour?
- TF, you're so funny....do that funny thing you do, again...

That's all I got.....

I don't have much time to write at the moment...

...but I don't know when I'll get to next and I really want to chronicle the events of this past weekend.

Here's the run down...don't blink :)
- Friday night, I slept over at Rachel's place with Felicity...Ann Marie and Johanna joined us on Friday night, but didn't sleep over.....it was SO fun!!
- In the morning, Lisa came over and joined us for brunch
- Made shortbread Easter cookies with the girls in the aft.....we even got to decorate them with Easter coloured icing!!!
- Walked home and met up with Tom before the creative planning meeting
- Grabbed dinner at Fujiyama :)
- Planning meeting went really well
- Hit the dance floor at Supermarket for Anne Marie and Mena's birthday party....my FT friends can MOVE!
- Ate far too many shortbread cookies and ice cream, and watched part of Kingdom of Heaven.....possibly starting to outrank Moulin Rouge as my favourite movie
- Went for a 40 minute run this morning
- Just ate some mini wheats and soy milk and I'm about to do some work :P (I have to work today to prep for a video shoot that starts at 6am tomorrow morning :P)

That's pretty much it!

Old life vs new life

It's the week for me to celebrate my first friend-a-versary with my FT peeps.

It's making me think about life pre-FT and how my quality of life now is so much better and I'm in such a better place.....only one year later!!!!!! Big props to "the one who brung" me ;)

Here's the comparison for anyone curious....

Old life:
- Living alone, sans amis
- Surviving attacks from a cat that was ass-crazy
- Engaging in self-destructive behaviour and relationships
- Feeling nervous, shaky and scared most of the time

...scary, that about sums up the OL....

New life:
- Living with K and J
- Having friends who call me and drop by for visits all the time
- No psycho cat, but lots of friends with uber-adorable felines (Oh, Avvy! Oh, Guido!)
- Engaging in life-giving, Christo-centric relationships
- Laughing a lot, enjoying life a lot and generally being in a good mood (for the most part....there are exceptions, but they're mostly short-lived)
- FT
- Feeling centred and like I'm standing with both feet firmly planted on solid ground

....I could go on, but I have to go clean the house before Bible study....

Yay, new life!!

I get a bike today!!!!

I'm SO excited!!! I get a bike today....but I'm not quite sure if I'm going to ride it right off the bat....I may have to start by just walking it down QW...then, slowly graduate to riding it on sidewalks, then take to some side streets....maybe I'll be on the road by September. Maybe.

I also need a helmet and a light (I think)...it's seems that's what other bike riders have...is there anything else I'm forgetting?

A sweet ending to a beautiful day :)

Going for a walk......sitting in Grange park with a Starbucks coffee and a slice of lemon poppyseed loaf.....praising God for the new life......chatting with Anton.......talking to my partner-in-crime-detecting, Cat Green, and coming up with a secret handshake....SO funny.......getting a Kinder Surprise from Rachel.....saying happy friend-a-versary to Lukie......A kick-ass church service......wicked worship, led by Leah.....really awesome teaching......acting silly and quirky with my brothers and sisters.......listening to Feist in Rob's car.......Red Room and stuffed french toast (no ham, extra cheese).....lots and lots of coffee.....giggly girl-talk.....wearing capris and no socks.......anticipation of my new bike, a la Tom (thank you times a hundred!!!!!!)......coming home to a real home that's full of love and joy :)

'Tis the stuff of dreams.

Quick shout-outs before I get ready for bed:
- Rachel
- Lisa T. N.
- Felicity
- Sallyanne
- Rob
- Tom
- Pat
- Jeremy
- Jarod and Meredith

It's a beautiful day!

I don't want to gush, but it's SO lovely out, today! And, it's an FT day :D And, I'll get to see my loves today! All of them....all in one place!!

My heart feels full with the joy of the Lord!


Alright, I guess I did gush.....and, I wanted to.

Grogalicious

Karl called me at 9am this morning to chat, catch-up and ask me to do something for him. I really want to make a sarcastic remark about that, but I also don't want to because as much as I could joke about it, I DO like doing things for him.......he's a really good brother to me. He doesn't grumble when I ask him to do stuff for me so I don't want to even jest about grumbling when he asks for my help. And, I was SO excited to talk to him 'cause he's been away for a week and a half now and I'm not sure when I'm going to get to see him again between now and when he comes back (still a few more weeks to go :P).

As light as this post started out, I just realized that I do get awfully defensive sometimes when some people ask me to do stuff for them........I think that my natural urge is to be as helpful as possible, but I've felt taken advantage of before and I don't like that feeling. And the thing is, I haven't been completely victimized by the "advantage-taking" of others.....it probably only happened once or twice in the past, but it was enough to sting me. I don't want that to impact my servitude to others!!!!! Ah, orphan heart.....you're a sneaky devil!

I also realized more recently that I have a long way to go towards humility. And, I guess that means letting others help me....actually admitting that I need help sometimes.......and not existing as an island. But, it feels so much safer this way!

Well. This is why I don't often write on my blog when I'm still groggy with sleep. But, I did, and it's ok. Actually, it was quite painful to write some of that....both because I hate being vulnerable and the very process was painful because I'm groggy and can't think very clearly or coherently. Now, I'm rambling.

Grogalicious = deliciously groggy. A state of being, usually first thing in the morning or after waking up from a mid-day/early-evening nap....my face is shiny, my hair is natty and I haven't brushed my teeth.....mmmmmm....grogalicious.

I don't know what to title this post.

I'm not yet sure what to name this post so I may just leave the title as-is.

It was a pretty chill day for me. Only a couple of meetings at work. Got lots of work done. Felt really at peace, but like I was expecting something exciting to happen. I was quite tired towards the end of the workday, but I ended it with a really great conversation with one of my favourite people :) .....are you satisfied, Ryan?

Not only was I on the tired side before I left the office, but I was also feeling quite restless and like I wanted to get away for an adventure. Little did I know that my adventure wasn't going to involve traveling a great distance. As I mentioned, I felt like I was anticipating something and I could feel something was "up" all day......I just didn't know what. Instead of an adventure as I usually define it, tonight I ended up going to TACF with my friends Enoch, Rob and Jon. It was definitely an eye-opening and spiritually-challenging evening. I really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and the Spirit spoke to my heart about very specific things and with messages for specific people. I'll have to be vague here because I'm yet mulling over these "things" and I don't think I have the words yet to really talk about it. And, some of the messages aren't for public consumption :)

All this to say, my plans are not His plans.....I could never have planned a night like this.

It was SO cool!!!!!!

My names

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

Bush Baldwin (...lol)

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Rekha M&Ms (?)

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)

R-Jam (not bad)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)

Cat Black (...maybe Black Cat works better?)

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Ann Scarborough (...very soapy-opera-ish)

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)

Jamnesmon (James + Jones + monkies...bears an uncanny similarity to Pokemon)

7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwarads

Nnasenoj (gibberish)

8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automoblie you drive)

The Black Impala (ok...the impala isn't mine, but it used to be...and it was black!!)

I tag LTK :)

AT vs. QT...which one do YOU choose?

- aka "ass time" vs. "quality time"
- aka "bad conversation" vs. "good conversation"
- aka "screaming, in a crowded room of over 100 people, to the stranger sitting only 10 inches away from you, who is looking to 'network' with you(read: chat you into offering them a job), but doesn't really give a rat's ass about what you're saying or whether you really like your job or not" VS. "strolling down QW with an interesting friend, who is interested in how things are going with you and you are interested in how things are going with them, on a clear, cool Toronto evening....not having to scream (bonus)...and sharing laughter and thoughts on the little 'curia' of life."

I know which one I choose....I experienced a little of each yesterday, but at least I ended the day on the upswing!

And, this morning was so full of joy!! I even ran into Blake as I meandered towards the office....LOVE my neighbourhood :)

My neck still hurts, but it's not kicking my ass nearly as much today. :)

It's a really nice day. :)

Mid-day post

Normally, I'm pretty cheery and hopeful.....I'm not not-hopeful at the moment, but I'm not really cheery.....here is why:

I need to get away from my computer, but I can't. :(

There is no end in sight to this day. :(

I really need a shoulder massage....I'm in so much pain that it hurts to move my neck :(

:(

Those are ok reasons to be not cheerful, right? Is that too self-pitying?

Ode to Rachel

I have to say, Ms. Rachel, you are incredible. I thought about adding you to my shout-out list for the weekend, but then I decided you deserve your very own post. If you (out in blog land) don't know Rachel, you're missing out. And, if you do know her, you totally know what I'm talking about. She is THE most organized and efficient person that I know. Her writing is the most humorous and witty that I've encountered. And, she's just about THE most sincere and hospitable person I know (besides my parents).

Big props to you, Rach, for being the epitome of a "Proverbial" woman :)

Much love.

I didn't go dancing.

It was a week and a day ago that I didn't go dancing. I took the nap and couldn't get out of bed. I'm starting to wonder if the club scene is really my thing anymore. Am I getting too old for it? Sometimes I feel like I'm 40 then, other times, I'm still a five-year-old little girl.

Anyways, I ended up having a weekend of rest last weekend. My week was busy. And now, I'm halfway through the weekend again. Today, I was a little on the "off" side, but it ended up being a pretty cool day! Again, God is sending me little surprises and showing that He really does listen and that He knows our desires before we even ask them....really, He puts those desires in our hearts and so He knows how best to satisfy them. Wonderful!

We had our creative project planning meeting this evening and it went really well :) Not to mention, we had an impromptu spiritual discussion that was kick-ass. AND....we went for a classic Toronto night-walk. There's honestly nothing better to do in the city at 1am (whether it's wet or dry outside). Super props to Tom (you really are a treat!) for being such a clear-headed, well-articulated leader.

It's magic blogger time again. Shout-outs to:
- Jonathan, you keep surprising me in our conversations :) Very enjoyable.
- Esther, sweet sister, I'm praying for you!
- Andy, your bachelor pad has a wicked view.....so coveting.
- Jason, even though you NEVER read blogs and this may be entirely lost on you, you're an awesome brother and I have much respect for you
- Karl, I miss you! Come home soon!!!! If you don't, I may have to buy a kitten to replace you. Actually, that may work out better....ok, take your time coming home..... ;)

I'm going dancing!

Supermarket, here I come!

Shout outs:
Lisa, you're wonderful for letting Karl and I have PB for next to nothing...thank you!!! Btw, Karl re-christened it Wendel Jr....I could vomit.
Adrian, :P to you for making fun of my mittens....they ARE cool!
Ryan, did I ever tell you how smart you are? You're really smart....really really smart.
Sallyanne, Karl needs to pay you more....or just pay you, period.
Jarod, for scoring Raptors tickets and hosting one of the best LRs EVER!

More later, I need a nap :)

One really great weekend

From Friday to Sunday, it was great....dancing, long walks, an interesting workshop, a birthday party with cute boys, church. I can't say that there was one thing to complain about!

Shout outs for today: Fel (dancing queen), Lukie-pookie (good brother), Sharon (walking girl), Sue (biking girl), Shauna (skating girl), Anton and Jamie (birthday boys), and Tom (fast as lighting on his bike).

Fast

Everything this week was fast. The week went by fast. It was really fast-paced. I got to drive a fast, little car.....

Well, maybe that's just it....so much for a theme of the week...I guess you could say that was over fast ;)

Oh groan....I am tired.

So, my week.....I was at the downtown office on Monday, the North York office on Tuesday, Waterloo for Wednesday and today....and, I'm back at the downtown office tomorrow.....yay! Nothing like a bit of travel to make me really appreciate home :)

I really love my job. I love my little boss. I love my big boss. And, I love my big, big boss. AND, I love having an intern. She is FANtastic. All of a sudden, I'm freed up to REALLY do my job.....which frees little boss up to do her job.....in turn, big boss will be happier, but I don't think he knows that just yet....but he will.....oh, he will.....and, big, big boss will be really happy :D And, that's what really counts.

I have breakfast with Lady Jacqueline tomorrow morning....one of the highlights of my week! Then, I have a dinner/dance to go to for work, in the evening....it should be fun......haven't danced in a really long time.....can't wait!!

I also can't wait for Karl to get home so we can eat dinner.....

Ah, Karl...he's such a good brother......a true source of joy for me. Yay, Karl!

Hmm...who else can I give a shout out to......Rachel, of course ;) Sallyanne, too....she's such a hard worker...AND she knows how to pump gas!! Jon likes to ice skate......Andrew and Kristina - If you're reading this, I emailed you earlier this week....don't know if you got the email 'cause I've been having issues emailing people from my work email......I think that's it for the shout outs.....maybe I can make that a regular feature....just like Rach has the MS Paint Picture of the Day....I can do the Romper Room thing and have a magic "blogger" (as opposed to mirror)....."I see blah blah and blah blah...."

....that's what mental fatigue and Bailey's does to this girl.

Done.

It's been awhile...

...since I last posted....mainly because I've been exhausted lately. And, when I get home from work, it's so hard to bring myself to sit in front of a computer again and do more writing. I've also been doing more writing in my written journal....I've actually started writing poetry again....something I haven't really been inspired to do in awhile.....So, that's been good. Actually, everything is pretty much normal and good with me....for the most part....and that's not to say that things are perfect or things couldn't be better....it's just that I feel very content. Although, that could just be because I'm so numb from being tired :) Just kidding....life is cool right now and I'm very thankful for that.

I just got back from a birthday party for my baby cousin....she just turned 2 :) She's so ridiculously adorable :D She's really chubby and has the curliest hair....she actually has ringlets....the kind that would go "boing" if there were sound effects in real life.

I can't stop yawning so I'm going to get to bed even though it's not even 10:30 on a Saturday night.....I am SUCH a party girl these days.....I think back to a year ago and where I was and what I was doing.....really strange to see how God has changed me and the turn that my life has taken......wicked.

Ok...bedtime now....

Morning

Grange park was beautiful this morning. Everything was tinted with silver, an effect of the sun shining through a sheer haze.

Glorious.

Ass-tired

...that's pretty much how I feel right now. But, in a strange way, I feel ok about it.....I am ok with being ass-tired.

Why?

Well, I've had a very fulfilling week thus far and the reason that I'm exhausted is because I've been working my tail off at work and getting loads of stuff done. That's pretty much it. Doesn't take much to make me happy :)

This evening has been pretty good so far, actually. Because I was so tired, I called Karl before I left the office and asked him to meet me at Fujiyama for dinner....that place is fantastic and going there for a meal after a hard day's work is sort of a tradition that Karl and I are developing.

And, I bought a bottle of white wine before returning home after dinner so I'm going to open that up once I finish this post.

This thought occurred to me today, life doesn't have to be easy to be good. In fact, I kind of like the challenges that come my way......no challenges = boredom for me.

Now, I'm really tired and I can't type anymore....

Teardrop

My Father said that she was “as close to him as a teardrop.”

The imagery is exquisite without any intention.

As close as the tear in my eye. Closer than the tear on my cheek is He to me.

My weekend....

There are lots and lots of details that I want to write about from this past weekend....or at least it seems like a lot of details...so I'm just going to write in point form to get it all out......

Friday (this wasn't an eventful day, but it was the start of the weekend):
- I worked from home 'cause I was sick
- I also took lots of naps in between emailing and writing
- I felt kind of sulky from being home all day
- J got home from work and then went out with friends from Newmarket
- Fel came over and we went out to Fujiyama for dinner...mmmm.....Fuji....
- Fel and I talked "girl talk" until about 12:30am and then she went home
- I put myself to bed 'cause I was still feeling sick
- J got home from being out and we chatted
- I went to sleep and slept really well!

Saturday (definitely an eventful day):
- Good bits and frustrating bits
Good:
- Baking cookies with Sharon
- Walking and talking with Sharon to Rachel's place
- Cookie exchange and more girl time with Lisa N., Rachel, Sharon and Fel (she arrived towards the end of the exchange)
- Hanging out with Luke, Andrew, Sharon and J at Luke and Andrew's place
- Seeing Aviel......oh Avvy!
- Walking home from Luke and Andrew's place after watching The Power of One (I highly recommend this movie!!)
- Praying while walking and eventually working out all that was frustrating (listed below for the record)
Frustrating:
- As I mentioned above, I did manage to work through all of these frustrations, but I still want to write them down as a reminder to myself of what I was feeling and how I dealt with it
- Still sick, but had stuff to do
- Being misunderstood despite having the best of intentions
- Watching The Power of One which is a great movie, but very very very emotional and not good when one is feeling fragile already
- Being frustrated with self for feeling frustrated and angry for even remotely being concerned with self
- Feeling like I should be able to understand God's will and simultaneously feeling like the understanding of His will is constantly elluding me

Sunday (crazy eventful day....amazing....wonderful!)
- Still sick, but incapable of immobility
- Got up early to go to The Meeting House with Sharon
- Morning was clear, bright and crisp....the perfect winter day in the city!
- Mood was considerably better than previous day
- Really felt God's presence and peace surrounding me
- Met Sharon at the Paramount (for The Meeting House) and we met Nick inside the theatre
- Immediately noticed that there were many "notice-worthy" young men around (instant smile)
- Saw two old friends (Andrew and Kristina) walk in the door with a new friend (Dave, Sherri's boyfriend) and nearly fell off my seat!
- Felt very vulnerable and a little nervous 'cause I wasn't sure if A&K would be happy to see me or not
- Had a really great time of worship (we sang "How Great Thou Art"...one of my favourite old hymns)
- Saw Craig, Jill's old BF!
- Saw Dan (Luke and Andrew's roommate)
- Sermon was pretty good...had a couple of epiphanies and moments of clarity
- After the service, got to talk to Dave, Andrew and Kristina....turns out it was a fantastic reunion and I was overjoyed to see them and they were really excited to see me....I think we're going to stay in touch 'cause they live downtown, too
- Saw Dan.....talking to Vicki!!!!!!!!!! Vicki is my friend Jill's cousin and I've known Vicki since high school
- Got Vicki's attention and she got all excited and we had one of those huggy, giggly girly moments :D
- Told Vicki I saw her talking to Dan.....and....she said....Dan's her cousin! Weird. And, cool :)
- Talked to Dan briefly...mentioned I had been visiting at his place the previous night with L&A
- Went for brunch with Nick and Sharon....SO FUN!
- Realized that the whole day had been a bit of a risk-taking day up until that point and I had done things that I normally wouldn't do....things out of my comfort zone....immediatly praised God silently for such an awe-filled day
- Wandered down Queen with N&S....found the new Billabong store....found my wedding dress there! Now, I just need my husband :) I know he's out there somewhere :)
- Arrived at FT feeling very alive, refreshed and invigorated
- Helped with set up
- Made decision to go to Germany with Rachel!!!!!!!!!
- Got cookies and lunch for Rachel from Subway
- Greeted with Sharon...again, really fun!
- Worship at FT = highlight of my week
- Teaching at FT = nourishment of my week
- Figured out what I want as my tattoo!!!
- Got to talk to all my favourite people
- helped with tear down
- went to "dirty bird" for post service snack with Rachel and Fel
- Went to Luke and Andrew's to meet a bunch of people who were hanging out there
- Met Daniel, friend of Heather, who is from Bangladesh...he speaks Bengali!!!
- Walked home with J...had a good talk.....my best friend is the best person in the whole world. If you didn't know, now you do.
- Realized still feeling sick
- Feeling sick, but not the least bit tired
- J watched a movie while I slept
- J turned movie off ('cause it was a terrible movie) and I woke up
- Had a really bad time trying to fall asleep again
- Couldn't breathe well through the night...congested....coughing....eyes burning

Monday (extension of weekend):
- Woke up feeling like ass so called in sick
- Really worried 'cause I didn't want Debbie to worry about anything...didn't have laptop 'cause I had dropped it off at the office on Sunday (so I wouldn't have to lug it in this morning...bright idea)
- Ended up with Debbie being very gracious and understanding (I have THE most amazing boss in the world. The world!)
- People I had meetings with were also really nice
- Called Chuck (yes, in Malawi) to say happy birthday...ended up talking for half an hour!!!
- J got up and made me french toast stuffed with fried bananas (God bless him)
- I slept and slept and slept today, off and on
- Watched the tail end of a really great Meg Ryan movie (don't know the title)
- J went out for a bit
- Booked flight to Germany with Rachel!!
- Got emails from Karl
- Sat down to type this blog
- Feeling a little better....not coughing as much, but still sneezing...feeling hot and achey still....eyes still burning :P BUT, can't miss work again so will have to suck it up even if I'm not feeling better by tomorrow....it's ok though, not 'cause I'm strong, but because my Father is

My fours...

Lisa "tagged" me and I now have to list four things in response to the topics below...

Four jobs I've had:
1. Piano teacher
2. French teacher at a day care
3. Teller at a bank
4. Communications Consultant

Four movies I could watch over and over again:
1. Moulin Rouge
2. Kingdom of Heaven
3. Office Space
4. Jeux d'enfants

Four tv shows I love to watch:
1. CSI: Miami
2. Boston Legal
3. Without a trace
4. Sex and the city

Four songs/albums I can't hear too often:
1. Mirrorball - Sarah McLachlan
2. Now at last - Feist
3. The district sleeps alone tonight - The Postal Service
4. I am a rock - Simon and Garfunkel

Four places I've lived:
1. Scarborough, ON
2. Whitby, ON
3. Kingston, ON
4. Toronto, ON

Four places I've been on vacation:
1. France - Paris (x2), Pau, Marseille, Aix, Nice
2. India - Bangalore, Delhi, Calcutta (x2)
3. London, England
4. Pyrenees, Spain (not sure what the little town was called)

Four websites I visit daily:
1. FNet
2. gmail
3. SLF Intranet
4. umm...blogger? (I don't really "surf" the Internet)

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Cake with really good butter sugar icing
2. Gnocchi with pesto
3. Chinese buns
4. Momos

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. With friends
2. At a corn beef restaurant
3. At any restaurant (I just realized I'm really hungry)
4. On the living room sofa....I'm in my room right now...

So, there you have it...my fours....

My friend Rachel...

...is hilarious. I hadn't checked out her blog in a few days and I just found myself laughing really loudly, reading her more recent posts. Oh Rachel, dear...you're awesome :)

Somehow you just managed to sweeten my very sour mood...

It's been a week...

...a busy, tiring week...and, my body finally caved in and gave in to the cold that it had been fighting for two weeks. Yesterday, I couldn't swallow or talk...it sucked.

I also didn't feel motivated to write...and I realized that I wasn't writing...then I felt guilty... :P

I think I wasn't motivated to write because I wasn't having a stellar week and I didn't really know where to start...the frustrations I was feeling weren't anything monumental, but it was the accumulation of a bunch of little things that was getting to me.

I don't really know if I'm feeling better right now, per se, but I figured I should write something. Writing usually makes me feel better, but I sometimes have to force myself to start.

Fel is coming over later to hang out...that's something to look forward to :) I should also get something to eat, but I don't feel like eating...

Bye for now...

In light of eternity....

...everything around me seems to be so insignificant.

And yet, I know that I have to live in the here and now; to serve where I'm called to serve and support who I'm called to support.

It's a really difficult balance and I don't really have it down...

Rachel is the hottest chick ever.

She updated my sidebar to include people's blogs. I love her. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's the best friend a girl could ever have.

And she wrote this whole post herself.

Underwater my feet don't stink

If any of you ever watched "Bobby's world" as a kid, there was a rousing episode, marked by the quasi-merengue-styled song "Underwater the fish don't stink." If fish don't stink underwater, then I'm sure my feet wouldn't either....unfortunately, they're not underwater right now.

Nuff said.

I really love meatball subs right now....

I don't know why, but every day this week I've had a craving for a 6-inch, meatball sub, on whole wheat, with extra cheese, from Subway. I just finished eating one for my brunch.

I'm feeling very quiet today. Kind of contemplative. Very much content. I have no meetings which is a blessing and I have lots of desk work to keep me occupied. It's only mid-morning and I've been really productive....I love that feeling :)

I think I want to go for a long walk tonight. Just me in the city. I kind of wish there was a beach closer to me....I would love to be close to water.

Coming up for air

By Jane Tyson Clement

Now at last perhaps I am coming up for air after nearly being lost in a sea of despair, too heavy for me to move or breathe. What finally raised me was a sudden knowing that my own despair and my own feelings really were completely insignificant and didn't matter at all. God is the important fact, and Christ the moving force, and I had been wallowing in my own misery out of my egocentricity and sin. So I asked for strength and forgiveness and the air began to clear, and I could act again, but not in my own strength.

It was a day

What a day. It started out with me not being able to get up in time for an important breakfast meeting for a community of practice that I belong to :( Next, my computer crashed twice.....first while I was getting ready for my 9am meeting and then half-way through my meeting. My mouse wouldn't work so I had to call Help Desk to replace it... :P I didn't get sustenance until 12noon (making that breakfast and lunch all at once).

It got progressively ok......note I said ok and not better. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was exhausted already. BUT, I refused to throw in the towel early....even though I could've left the office at 4pm, I stayed until 6pm to get some extra work done.....so maybe tomorrow won't be awful! I actually ended the day on a bit of a higher note....I managed to mock-up a pamphlet and I think I was pretty satisfied with my effort in the end! Thanks to TF for really comprehensive feedback....it was much appreciated and helped motivate me!

So, I really tried hard not to have a bad day despite being frustrated....and that's what got me to the point of "ok." For me, it's really easy to indulge in self-pity, but I know that all too well.....so I fight it, but it has to be fought with my mind and not with my heart.....as with a lot of things :)

I'm going to go sit and do absolutely nothing now.....marvellous :)

Lost and found

So, Monkey #2 materialized. He worked 'til close. The rest of the evening was good. Wine, a tv movie on Watergate, stories from J's kitchen....the stuff of dreams.

Speaking of dreams, when I got to bed last night, I had a powerful nightmare and it's left me feeling really shaky, still. So, I'm going to do nothing, but saunter up and down Queen West all afternoon. The weather is brilliant :) I've got Karl for part of the afternoon, Fel for another part....who else wants to join us? I might just have to spoil myself a little and buy something pretty. I think I'm in the mood for a house party tonight so maybe we'll get something going.

Now I'm really hungry.....and J just got home with our lunch!! Mmmmmm...Chinese buns :)

Bye.

Missing: One housemate

Anyone know where Monkey #2 is? I know where #1 is.....#2 is MIA, it seems.

I know it's irrational to worry and it isn't productive at all.....buuuttt....yes, I am worried.

I can't even type anything else. I can't focus.

I killed it....

...my presentation, that is. The big one. I completely rocked it :)

I had to make a major presentation today, to about eight Directors and a couple of other employees, on a communication plan for a really big project that I'm consulting on. It went splendidly and I got some great feedback!! I feel like this was a milestone in my career....like I raised the bar for myself. It could just be my ego talking right now, too. Nonetheless, I have to praise God for getting me through these professional challenges with so much success. Sometimes it feels a little surreal.....like I'm watching myself do stuff and I'm like "Who is this girl? Where did she learn to do that?" Definitely the work of the Lord.

Now, I can relax and unwind.

I know I still haven't posted anything about why I named my blog "Proverbial girl"....I guess I can do that now.....

If you read Proverbs 31:10-31, you'll find a profile of a wife/woman of noble character. I read this awhile back and found it compelling, more so than any other passage I'd read about husband/wife dynamics or even about how to live, in general, as a woman. I love the way this passage talks about the woman as being a strong, industrious provider for her family. She is creative and wise and, in my view, the epitome of what a woman should be. There is nothing to suggest that she is subservient to her husband in a pejorative way....rather, it suggests that the relationship is definitely a partnership with each person having specific roles. This, in my mind, is very efficient....from a relationship standpoint, as well as from a business perspective. In any organization, the most successful teams are ones where everyone has a clearly defined role and does their particular job to the best of their abilities. The same can be said of a good relationship. All around, it just makes sense to me and I hold this passage as my standard and model. The title is a bit of a play on words because, in addition to it being an allusion to the passage from Proverbs, it is also a simple statement to say that I'm really just a quintessential girl :)

So, now you know. Any questions? Comments?

My new stapler

If you don't "get it," I suggest you get your hands on a copy of "Office Space." No self-respecting corporate peon isn't able to quote it on a whim.

To Waterloo and back

So, I made it to Waterloo on my own....not that I've never been. I just didn't want to drive myself. And, for no reason at all. I just didn't feel like driving myself. What a princess. Sometimes, I astound myself.

The day went really well, actually. My meetings were great except for the last one. My last meeting was a debrief of another meeting and the project manager is driving me insane. Without getting into too much detail, I'm finding the project manager to be less than competent and I feel like she has her own agenda. I just want to do what makes the most sense for my company and I get really frustrated when others make decisions, on behalf of the organization, that are obviously not in the best interest of the organization. It's scary. I refuse to let her stop me from doing my job....and I will not be deterred from my purpose! Thankfully, it's only one project and I'm not the consultant on it...I'm an "end user." If it were one of "my" projects, that I am consulting on, I'd probably be a little more passionate about having her replaced. I just have to remember, this too shall pass.

This week is going to take it out of me...I already know it. One day down, four more to go! God provides. I know He's with me and He is the only reason I'm getting through, all things considered. It has definitely been challenging for the past couple of weeks. Work really has been great! And, it's great that I'm becoming "known." Personal stuff is a little more rocky. I'm struggling to be at peace with God's will for me right now. It's really hard to admit. I hate admitting failure or weakness. I want to be strong and supportive for those around me so I cannot lose my focus or my determination to keep going despite how I feel. Anyone reading this, can you please pray for my strength? Many thanks :)

I am physically exhausted now...a bit of a rarity....so I will put myself to bed. Before I forget, though, I thought that I should explain why I named my blog "Proverbial girl." I won't explain now, but if you read Proverbs 31:10-31, it'll give you a good head start.

I just slept for 18 hours.

I think I needed to catch up on sleep. I just finished sleeping for 18 hours with only two one-hour breaks in between. It feels wonderful! I have some chores to do now :P And, then, I have a "sort of date." "Sort of" only because it's not a date for me, but for a friend of mine. I will be a chaperone of sorts.

This is now my second blog post. I think I'm a little over-conscious of this being a blog. Maybe it's just the novelty of it that's affecting me......it'll wear off....I want to get to the point where I'm as transparent and real as Tom is in his blog.

I've been trying to come up with a "topic" for this post and I really don't have one. I think, for my next post, I'll talk about "me" a little more.....but not right now. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. It's hard to concentrate with Karl watching "Joe versus the volcano" behind me. Lol....Karl is giggling. Where's J? You'd only ask that if you knew me already....if you do, and if you're asking that, J just left for work.

That's it for now.

My first post

This is exciting! This is my first blog...my first blog post....I have to write my thoughts here....real thoughts....Why did I sign up for this?

Because I'm home alone on a Friday night, not really bored, but without anything that I "have" to do. That's been happening more and more lately....I have to admit that I'm starting to like my free time....it used to scare me at first 'cause I'm used to always having something to do. Now, I can usually sit for at least twenty minutes without trying to figure out if I should get up and find something productive to do.

So, to make this blog a "real" blog, I suppose I should commit to posting without filtering too much, while still maintaining some privacy for my own protection (thanks for the tips, Rachel!).

I kind of feel a little inadequate starting this....and it's weird because I manage part of my company's Intranet and content management system....I write and publish daily as a profession.....and yet writing and publishing stuff that's personal seems so much more nerve-wracking and causes my heart to beat quicker. I know I'm not really great at talking about my own personal stuff and I've put up protective walls...blah blah blah.....I suppose this is my attempt at opening up and not wanting to settle with a "that's just the way I am" mentality.